Ayyo paavam

..so here i am settled into the routine of the house-wife doing seva to my 'purusan' as is my dharma and showing my pathibhakthi to the god ( my man)..Frankly speaking i really don't know what i do the total of 24 hrs excepting planning to write so many things and updating only half of them...and some times in the afternoons after the daily cooking and cleaning part is over i some times wonder what am i doing to myself sitting almost idly and wandering in the different blogs that people write and keep loosing myself most of the times .Yes , I can go and mix with people but language has become a major barrier for me and i hardly can communicate with the maid or any one here . The only neighbour who speaks with me is the old lady who stays diagonally opposite to me and has helped me with the finding the present maid .She is a bit cross with me these days since i think i paid for the emergency maid a bit more than the usual .The old lady can hardly listen and does not find a big company in me ..so there i am almost alone on the floor with the laptop and the blogs......so much free time with almost nothing to do drags me to the bed so many times that by the time it is evening i am fresh , with kajal ( madhu to blame ) she got me hooked to it , with neat partition in the middle of my head and a oiled hair ..only the malepuvvu is missing ( chennai style ) attracting people to the new face ;) ..

Hd and i have started to walk in the mornings and it is a good experience at least to wake up a bit early and do some things like finishing break fast by 9 o clock etc., if i i am in a mood to do some thing . But the maid problem is really killing me ..she comes at 10 and gives back the most arrogant answers ..!! reminding me that she has a family and that is her first importance ..Yes she has agreed but then why agree to work in the morning hours ..we initially agreed that she finishes by 8 all the work.Well that how is the issue is!

..but like i read some where earning and being financially independent is so important in life ..what if the same thing continues ..what if ..??!! i would have to depend on the graciousness of the Hd ..he being a good man will give me but how much ..the kind of life style i am used to ..i didn't even think abt the little luxuries at all till now !! So what in the future? These are questions which probably only time will answer but still where i am a heading to ..??
..and as always ( i find some one to comapre myself to ) there is S in the company who is not getting tired of changing her different snaps in Gtalk and keeps updating her goals of doing MBA and stuff . In the three years i have known her , she has bagged 2 promotions , changed countries twice , has done 4 projects and is now planning to do an International MBA .Good work S ! cant help saying that since we were on the same boat once , and look at me now , one promotion , on the verge of lay off and on LOP for the next 2 months . ..and i dont have any new pics to add to gtalk as well except the marriage pics which i cling on to for uplifting my mood and making the imporession that all is going well on the outside layer.

..Recession has some good effects too , i could find time to spend time with Hd in leisure and take care of his health a little bit ..poor guy is quite lonely and the sad part is while my people call me atleast 4 times a day finding out what i have cooked and cleaned !! for the day , there is hardly any message from that side .All this could be just my 'Ayyo paapam' angle as well.

..so i realise today today that i will feel at home only when my ward robe is arranged properly ..and that it needs due respect instead of a small rack some where ..I need a whole shelf for myself not considering how much space i really use in it ..So finally the ward robe is set in chennai with just 1/4 of my clothes from hyderabad and the rest are yet to come from there .

........and so the menu for today is tomato chutney and potlakaya koora. ...not knowing what to call potlakaya in English i typed the same in google images to get all kinds of food recipes on snake gourd. ..the day started rather slow and was still in going on but some where it picke dup and i prepared the lunch which was finished by Hd and me in 20 mts ..and the joke is 'menthulu' was out of stock at home and i went to the near by grocery store to bring it and they could understand what was i saying..and i the idiot did not know that it si called 'methi' in hindi even though the shop keeper was repeating 'is it methi ?..so i fished it out from the store and the shop keeper told some complex name of the same in tamil which i cannot even recollect now ...

..i was still boiling and wheeling under yesterdays pressure when the EPR drama started and i felt really tired ...I fought hard and earned for a second round of discussion and i hope that i will win through it .Friends are the ones who can help you through the thick and thin of life and the EPR review result shocked them . ..and in the process chitra told me about the concept of 'Emotional Weightage' ..and thanks to her my mood lighted up a lot ...the funda is ' already so much has happened that I guess there is nothing much to happen except may be some thing tooo devasting which will i guess kill some part fo you ..so when already so much has passed then what is the significance of the small things that annoy you ..true..the small things can be made smaller all the time and so better leave it and take a stand of the opinion on things rather than make them bigger . ..be firm on the opinions and stand by them'...and frankly speaking it does not matter what people say as long as you know that amma and nanna are right ..once again thanks for being there people !!

..the day ended with Hd making some nice dosas and we filling it up again ..he seems to be good at this job...

..and so so so its been 5 days in chennai with Hd and we are having our big fight already .

The day started with me trying to clean the kitchen with the words of my akka ringing that i have become an cleanliness freak and 'people who are obsessed with cleaning cannot actually cook' which i have to accept because i have seen this kind of people already . I mean both the types , mom who can cook great guns but looses interest when it comes to cleaning , which can be attributed to the small space in kitchen . And well..i need not compare the rest .

So the cleaning thing has actually took hold of me strongly and there i am with a cloth in my hand and either i sweep the kitchen or wipe the gas !! god i really need to stop this !!!

..akka gave me really good tips on cooking ..i mean really good ones and has given me 'పోపుల డబ్బా' as gift . Funny but true and it seems she is going to monitor how much i actually clean and cook in the kitchen from there on !! and that it should be a gentle reminder of 'cooking Vs cleaning' balancing act. Frankly speaking , life as a house wife is nothing but cleaning , wiping , cooking and sleeping ( the most imp ) . The detached Gemini that i am , need some hook to connect easily and which i am unable to find. The point is I am badly hurt , hurt from the different situations in the past and from life in general . I felt that i could find some comfort in relating to Hd about the big incident few weeks back and was shocked when he reacted cooly by saying that he knew what passed between the families and had no comment what so ever. To speak frankly i never expected this , I thought i could find some solace in his words or may be his reaction and have been constructing his reactions in various ways , but today's will remain with me for some time .He was cool as if it has been some thing that was natural .

Let me tell you one thing dear , the amount of hurt any one gives to my family will bounce back a 1000 times and with a vengeance . That's for sure and you will remember this day for ever .

..marriage is nothing but ...a beautiful view ' from afar about the hills the forest around it the sunset , the sunrise ..forgetting all about the trekking you need to reach there ..and more ever it is like that bright dress which looses its color once washed and tested.

:)

.....and so my leave got approved and i am in chennai for the better and the best of all the situations ..and it was so sweet to see the happiness in Hd's eyes that i wished i could capture that moment  for ever .Hey , I can say atleast for today with no thought of 'how it might be  tomorrow' be that i have a sweet guy in my life who values my company .

A full stop .Period.

...so i am trying periodically to clear all my backlogs in the 'nomulu and vrathalu' section and find a truce between the expected and the actuals..in the process i visit many people in and near my Akka's home in Ramanagar Gundu and give them the Tamboolam. Some of the houses we visited were so narrow and they were quite happy to receive the fruits and flowers ...Its an altogether different experience to visit so many unknown homes and give them and in the process receive many curious glances and questions about my where abouts . One house we visited was so narrow that there was hardly place to stand and give them the required things ...and it seems they charge 5000rs as rent for the same ...

Hd is happy that i will be coming there for some time and be with him ...and he is happiness is very infectious ..there will be a full stop to all the roaming i do from here to there and i swear that i will not travel in kesineni again . Come what may!!

Out and Over!

...and slowly and steadily the saga of being at home has started and today being the first day i am able to feel the weight of being at home with absolutely no work and happily watching TV the whole day . but the time spent with parents was worth it and i never get bored of going home and lazying the whole day there...

..and no i did not get the reply for the important mail ..to add tensions to the whole thing.

..on a final note I also do have a some light moments with my in laws some times when we go out for some shopping ..and it was fun today to see the different models of refrigerator's and finally selecting nothing .SIL seems to have learnt to keep away from her parents as she gave some non committal comments when asked about her opinion and she was pointing fingers at me to ask my opinion ..some how this feeling that she tries to avoid her family in many things does not leave me. Well that's it then , its their problem.

..i am waiting patiently getting rest less all the time about the one mail which can buy me some happiness .God Please help me !

..lizzie sitting so cooly above seems to find my notes in all things very amusing though!!

..so as the new day dawns i take a resolution to not blog any more abt in-laws .Period.

Hd and I had a great time in the marriage and one thing I admire in Hd is his patience in dropping and sitting patiently all the time..i am sure that had it been any other person then he might have asked me to pack early ..he is so better than me in matters related to patience. But one thing which also bugs me is his childish nature and behaviour. what is with guys? I mean what makes them stick to their 8 year old behaviour , i dont seem to get it. ..and speaking frankly we hardly have any people to visit in india keeping aside my people . ..though this is just a thought , i thought that after marriage there would be many people and social circle would increase . But there are hardly any additions to the old circles and Hd practically does not have any friends in india .I mean i want to meet new poeple as well . ..but one happy thing or rather sad thing is mum coming to work place and really admiring the place and at the same time wishing that i would not have to leave the company . Yes , yaar this place looks like a safe heaven and it did some things for me which probably would not have been possible may be outside . But when a decision is taken then i understand that it is better to follow it , may be the future has some thing else in store for me. ..and like mum said .. 'Everything is ought to have a beginning and an end' .
..this last week SIL has been at home and it was a chance to understand and spend some time her ..one thing that can be really appreciated in her is her attitude ..though she had come form USA only 2 weeks back , she did not show even one ounce of 'usaness' and was always ready to move ...and seeing the way she was controlling her mother , i could understand where she learnt all her ways of talking smartly and with knack . Her mother made her the way she is .. Unlike what Hd told me abt her , she is in complete awe of her husband and uses his experience and contacts to get into good positions in the company and makes use of her charisma to get things done...but coming to personal touch between us ? well i did not see much as she kept mum on many topics and only talked about the superficial things . But quite a career oriented girl who manages things well.
Marriage is all about keeping silent in many things , everything else about their family becoming ours is all crap. MIL gave me a picture about the perfect 'bahu' of her daughter as a DIL . After meeting her in person I felt she was just like any other person and gives importance to her freedom and guards her career ferociously.

Happiness Quotient

....If happiness is the measure of seeing and liking what you see then my H.Q for this week is 200% ..Seeing madhu in the bridal make up and seeing the happiness of both of them was a enough for me..One scene which would always remain with me is when we saw them both after we have come down from lunch in the first floor ..the guy sitting casually and leaning a inch too close to madhu on the stage and madhu smiling all the way ...and the grooms mother was blushing looking at them like that ...it was enough to bring a smile to all of us seeing them ..hey madhu , Good luck to you all the way and i hope you dont take the different things that come your way too seriously ( like me ) and learn to smile ..

A gentle reminder

...you have a choice to choose which is true happiness ..whether it is happy face of the friend beaming with life ..or the happy face of the husband when he finds that there is time to spend together ..

....Well the day started with Madhu's function and it was such true happiness to see her sitting there and beaming with life for a few minutes ..that it was all worth it ..all the pain that we had undergone in the hands of all the people who had bickered , sneered and made us fun when we could not make the decision on time . Yes the answer was worth of all the trouble we had undergone in making the decision and sticking to it ..

..and finally on today i could take mom to work place like the post below and it was so nice to see mum getting impressed with the work place that for a moment it was worth the pain of working all these days aganist the tide ..just to see her impressions and awe at all the things around .. It cannot be compared with anything else !!

.....and it was nice finally to see Hd happy and gay at the prospects of the future..!!

Its strange to bring mom to the office and make her sit in the break out area when i am sitting in the cubicle and writing these few lines ..to see the surprised expressions of the colleagues in the office and find so many similarities between us and at the same time finding us so dissimilar. To find mom sitting and solving a sudoku puzzle and being at home .