..I have read today about the a blog named 'Ramblings of a pretty woman' and really found the title amusing to read .The author lives in Paris and is of course 'Tamizh' -my half guess was true about it any way .
..and its really amusing to read the bloggers like her and many more to that writing so dearly about their husbands in such endearing words ..Why cannot i do like that ?
Yeah i can understand it been only 10 months of marriage and may be i am tooo old now to fall in luuvvv any way but still i wonder even after 10 years i can write like that .Things like life has started with you and so on .I mean what about all the people who made life before that person came into our lives . To speak the truth there were moments of emptiness before marriage and there was a constant grudge to fill the empty place with some one but there were many more fulfilling moments , like interesting conversations with the "exes..' etc., and also parents .

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..some times people come home and remark that it is really unfortunate that dad should pass away so immeditaly after marriage and that they did not expect to come to home for a death after such grand marriage and remark how happy dad and mum looked in th emarriage etc.,
True ! it is all true ..I agree completely , but to all the people who said that did you ever wonder how freshly wounds can be ruptured by such callous statement !
..and it brought me this feeling that may be the delay in my marriage was also for good since dad was any ways destined to pass off after my marriage ..God the things people can put in mind . Ok all of you out there , live for a hundred years and curse your years like hell .Good for you . Dad had a life of Quality than Quantity and I tell you what , he was dear to god , since from the day i knew him well , he never missed even one day of prayers or sandhya vandanam /agni hotram in his life and it is enough to put him ahead of all of you .

the unevenful events of an uneventful life

..so life has changed considerably and new situations have cropped which i never thought would crop up in the near future and lo! i am thinking seriously about them and well even blogging about them .

..i don't want to acknowledge it but mom is not quite herself yet and it is difficult to leave her in the situation right now ! so immediately ..i think i will always feel as if the incident of nanna has happened just yesterday and i always get this feeling that he is still there some where .Sometimes a sudden ring from some where and i think nanna is calling ..and so i can imagine mom's situation she might be getting such feeling more number of times . ..

But still life has to move on and she has to come out of her depression , face the world and get along with her daily things , though she is a bit better now it might take a lot for the normalcy to come back if at all it will come back .

Today i just took a promise from her that she would come visiting to me at least three days a month and i would come here another three days ..and suddenly i thought that both of us would cry .I controlled mine but she lost hers . Death of a person is such that there is no use for people to avoid talking about it anyways . For Eg., many relatives come to our home and try to avoid talking about nanna.It feels so bad since we want to talk about him more and more and laugh. I feel laughter is the best therapy to some out of such situations .

Me and mom were eating parathas and suddenly the current went out . So mom put a candle on the show -case and the light was falling on the dad's picture . And we both said how he would have enjoyed such a good meal . I mean we were relieved by such talk and felt easy after that .Its like that we want to talk about such small and good things about dad and feel happy . And this is what bothers me if I go to chennai , such situations or occasions will not come up and mom might get lonely and become more depressed . I know , i know there are mobiles and phones to connect but still i wonder if we can feel at home with that .

As far as i know Hd will not get any job in Hyderabad . I know that for sure . at least in the current period and his line of work is such that there is now way we can come to Hyderabad anyway .Oh bloody hell. Real bloody hell .

All i asked life was not its riches nor its joys but a period of peaceful bliss and all i get is crap , crap and more crap.

A silent prayer

Sitting and reading my blog i don't know how to break the ice between us .
Its a kind of coldness that comes from being there for long time and being oblivious of each other .And so after a 3/4 of the month , with muted eyes and sniffled noses i see my past to realize that some things will never be the same and that destinies of people has already reached some new place from where there is no back turn , to wish , smile and laugh.

Dad , we will miss you for ever at home .

...and we will always remember that you lead a life of quality than quantity ..and that your darling daughter will always keep searching for the honesty of your talk in people around her , to sign and not find any where .
..to see the emptiness in mom's eyes and get pained more ..
..to realize that 'every thing that starts has to end some where ' and praying that you might have reached the heavens of your choice and will show there the same exuberance, happiness , transparency , divinity , faith that you carried with you all the time on this place when you were with us .
..remembering the same calmness and happiness you showed in your last moments ...
..praying fervently that 'God provides you the best in the next life '.

-Your left over family here .