Meenakshi Sheshadri

..wondering why my thoughts are directed towards her all of a sudden.Was browsing you tube videos ..yeah I know that's what all work less childless people do and came across the old video which I saw in home many years back.So I watch this video  and of course wondered what happened to her now.And bang I google and see this pretty picture of her with family in US.

To turn from a hot actor to a home-next door neighbour she I think has faced all the more problems than any normal woman faces in US.But did it not occur to her before marrying? I mean how can a actor who hops between studios with a car and driver always at her disposal moves to US. What did she expect to be there here. Now she runs a small dance school for the NRI children here.If she might have been in India I am sure she would have given more shows and been more content with her work.

On what else I am doing..Cleaned the house like some devil came into me and ended up having body aches all over.Thanks to a vacuum cleaner which weighs a ton.There are days when you hate everything  and I think today was just like that. Partly because of how much time I spent alone.Right from college days to 3 years down my marriage life the pattern of life did not change much.The same problem after problem cropping ..the same loneliness ..the same waiting for some thing to happen...The same bloody fucking pattern..Oh today was too much time alone.Thanks to hubby who did not want me to tail him.

On what else I saw in you tube ..'What not to wear'..I think I saw the nth episode today and reaffirmed my belief that your external look can definitely change your internal make-up...and more than that its the baggage people carry with them.Childhood inhibitions. I think many of us dont grow from them.As a kid growing up and as adult I wanted to be tall. Well Its not possible for the whole population to be tall..So it is important to embrace who you are and dress as per the our body type.No one teaches these things in school and by the time we realize this stuff we would have lost so many precious years.

Eswari Atta

...so there has been a second demise of an eldely member in our family.The wife of my current eldest mama. It was pretty sad business.One moment we heard she had stomach ache and the second moment we know she had a massive heart attack. The help arrived in 5 mts ..well thanks to 911.She lingered for 3 weeks in ICU before they declared her no more. The good thing is she was with her husband, son and grand children.No harsh pictures on that side.The funny thing we dont have even the numbers of our mama and atta in US. Thats how discreet they are now. Keeping to them selves and their immediate families. No communication with any one else except the ones who do some work to them.

But the families were not always like this. There were days when we all used to visit each other houses unlike now.Our huge families with the big gang of children.I cant say we were favourite to any one but then there was our elder mama to keep us all together.

Well this post was to remember once and for all my atta and mama who did Siva Parvati kalyanam for 15 grand years or more. My child hood memories of them is they sitting in that small room of the temple and completing the rituals of the family as promised to elders...and getting irritated on every one else for the tideous task. God talks to those who cant hear him well.

..felt strangely sad today for my last project. For a second all the memories of the past one year zoomed to form a long stream of slides.My walking to the Irvine Metro station everyday..the body aches I had in the beginning on carrying the laptop always. Especially the walk from Anaheim station to Sempra which was the scary one because during that 10 mts i felt like humas did not exist on this planet and only cars existed. My work on saturdays and sundays over the vauge requirements. Gosh I did give a lot for this project and spent a lot of free time thanks to the lenient client. It has been three weeks since I left the project and people today have come back saying that they need a document specifying the functional requirements of the past 8 months work. Well I felt like laughing @ them.Gave it anyway smiling to myself on the commented and missing code.I have no idea of who did it . But it turned out to be pretty sad business any way.Seriously thinking about alternative careers.