..and my eternal search for the correct horoscopes keeps coming back to me again and again .I keep searching for daily horoscopes ,monthly horoscopes and yearly predictions searching for the one line which would be a relief for every one.But instead of that I get only my period. :-).

..my posts are so out of grammer .It makes me shrink to read and too lazy to correct them.Then just when i was moping about the way things are some one laughs at me so hard and calls me a moron.Because as per that person I really dont know the value of life and how to enjoy it.I laughed out hard for the first time since days.

So i managed to make a friend with a girl down stairs who treats with filter coffee everyday. The poor girl is also stuck at home and is waiting to join college.So today we went for a walk and the weather unlike everyday was so good.The air was so fresh and crispy. And not to mention the beautiful nature which was so vibrant with colors . Spring and Pennsylvania are two beautiful ladies to swoon by.I just dont have enough words to write and describe it but one word for spring here is 'Riot of colors'.I hope we can make it to long wood gardens before spring ends :-).

Laziness and Reluctance

..can be called my current mood. Where did things go wrong for me basically? Is it my attitude or just how things should be. For a few days now i am trying to evaluate what is actually wrong with me. why did I get into this mode of shifting through jobs. Its some times a real pain when i remember the things i say. ?Like in the last project i was always saying that the project should end so that i can start for a fresh one.but heart of hearts i actually did not mean it.It was just the frustration of  the work and the distance.I started my last project with real interest in my work and as far as I was capable i worked hard enough for it.Trying to cope with long distance messages and requirements. I did fairly well til one point.Maybe i should have travelled more as needed by the project.Whoa ! Shit.

..and so when every time I try to write something these days they either end in one line or I press backspace and erase what I write.Its simply too dull to write about my own life. and when ever i write something its such a big hush hush that I feel its better to keep it inside me.Or much worse than all these is when ever i write a few lines like just now I automatically open another browser and open facebook,you tube.Oh God I really wish I never knew facebook and did not have the mad craze to watch pictures.I mean i think I crossed the borders of sanity.
Since i lost another job in April once again which hubby pointed out shrewdly a few days back I have been really wondering on this strange coincidence.Which made me think once again of why did we create this predicament to ourselves ? Why did we pose as strong people who knew our business? I think we are different set of people who don't know how to be at home or take complete responsibility of things either .

..and then you understand that there is no way to go.Cry or laugh this is what is to take.Like it Or Leave it.So better smile and take it..or still better laugh and enjoy it.Suffering from terrible cold from past two days and again the fear of taking any tablet just intensifies every thing.Have to call and find out if it is safe to take paracetamol with these ones.Oh lord of medicines you need to take care of me in this.

..and then this week end passed.The week end with doubts,fears and all kinds of dramatized thoughts.The meds. They are driving me crazy and the thing is no one understands the real pain of the fear in taking them.The kind of cramps I experienced last week were enough to scare the hell out of me.Fear which haunts me these days ,day and night.And to think that life has not even started with kids makes me wonder ..Am i fit for the process? God why do you make me go through everything under the sun.A laaate marriage, experience with the whole world in getting done so, Early demise of father ..a mom who faces the brunt of this bloooody world.I hate u.